The Altered Realm

Of course, 2011 was much more than material possessions and celebrities divorcing; much, much more than the re-introduction of Big Brother or the onslaught of pointless television shows like Desperate Scousewives, The Only Way Is Essex, Made In Chelsea, and countless other mind-numbing, intelligence-sapping programmes. 

2011 was much more than the unadulterated garbage that people call music, though it was refreshing that for every crappy song/album that got released, there was a good one.  One that represented music not only for something that makes us feel good, but also as the artform it’s meant to be.

2011 was a year where the integrity of journalism was finally called to question and forced to answer for it’s actions.  2011 was the year of revolution and riot, depending on the way you look at each particular moment.  2011 was the year where politics was at its most dramatic while managing to miss the point of every single issue politicians took head on.  2011 was a rather reflective year… a year where no matter how many things and stuff one acquired, one still couldn’t get away from truth about how the world currently works and for whom it works.

Personally, I haven’t had a better year in ages but it really only served as a reminder for how grateful I am for the year I’ve had and how blessed I am to have such an amazing year.  For some of those close to me, 2011 was a trying - if not downright horrible - year.  For some, 2011 was a year to forget… at least, they try to forget.

2011 made some people and broke the others.  2011 made a few people rich and a lot of people poor.  2011 saw liars lie, haters hate, lovers love, poppers pop, and breakers break.

So Happy New Year, planet Earth.  My sincere hope is not for us to focus on whether 2012 is the end of days… but rather the start of something brilliant.

2011: the year of things and stuff.  Good things, bad stuff, bad things, good stuff, things that act as accessories for your stuff, overrated things, underrated stuff, food things that were chock full of… stuff.  I swear if we took all of our things and stuff and threw them in a pile, we’d have a man-made structure taller than Mt. Kilimanjaro.  Nevertheless, I’m quite fond of certain things and stuff.  So without further adieu, here is my list of my favourite things - and stuff - that became available this year.

Sweet Tech Award (gadget of the year): Nokia Lumia 800

Having helped myself to a multitude of different smartphones and tablets this year, I walk into 2012 feeling like 2011 was an interesting year for Windows Phone and Android.   With regards to the Lumia, I have to doff my cap to Nokia for this amazing smartphone.  Windows Phone as an operating system really shines on this device, the camera snaps excellent photos, the display is bite-the-back-of-your-hand beautiful, the build quality (hardware) is thoroughly impressive, and call quality is fantastic.  A lot of people speculated whether Nokia would continue to produce quality devices after the demise of Symbian but with the emergence of the Lumia 800, there is no longer any need to speculate.  Nokia’s still got the goods.  Simple as.

Heavy Rotation Award (album of the year): Thrice - Major/Minor

When it comes to good music, there can be no compromises.  For me, an artist can only be called an artist when the level of artistry and artistic expression exceeds that of their commercial appeal.  In other words: I like an artist that is focused on their craft.  That said, Thrice have been focused on their craft for 13 years and you can hear it in every track.  You can see it in every live performance.  The album Major/Minor is not only a culmination of 13 years of passion, maturity (as a musician), progression, and artistry; Major/Minor is a soul-stirring collection of powerful songs that ignites something within you from the very first listen, then encourages you to come back for more.  There hasn’t been an album to come out in 2011 that tops Thrice’s effort.  It really is that good.

Pixelated Goodness Award (game of the year): L.A. Noire

Every once in a while, something truly incredible comes along into the world of video games.  A game so inspiring; so brilliantly crafted; so captivating; so irresistible; so overwhelmingly & undeniably good, you can’t help but tell everyone about it.  Out of all the games I’ve played this year (and believe me, I was spoilt for choice) I thought the Team Bondi developed/Rockstar Games published title L.A. Noire was that game.  Like Heavy Rain & Uncharted 2, this game managed to not only blur the line between film and video game; it also managed to set a new standard in storytelling via the medium of video games.  Yes, Skyrim is an incredible game. Yes, it deserves all the accolades it can muster… but L.A. Noire does it better.

Platinum Reel Award (film of the year): Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

For the first time in a long time, there was a decent year in films. For every film adaptation of a book (like Tinker was) or remake of a previously made film, there was a decent original film that left a lasting impression on it’s viewers.  As good as Super 8, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, Bridesmaids, Horrible Bosses, & Aunuvahood were (for me, at least), Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was flat out better than any film I have - and haven’t - seen this year.  Sure, everyone loves the Rambo-esque excitement that a Bond film produces, but for proper espionage thrillers, Tinker shows you exactly what Bond films lack: real intelligence.  Gary Oldman was scintillating as always and Colin Firth (who I thought was rather mediocre in The King’s Speech) put in a top-class performance.  Fans of the book will no doubt say the book is the better medium for which the story was told but if they have any appreciation for good film, they can’t deny how spellbinding and utterly brilliant the film adaptation was.

j’adore fashion Award (fashionable item of the year): the graphic t-shirt

Whether you’re paying homage to your favourite band/artist, taking artistic liberties, or making use of your freedom of speech, the graphic t-shirt did everything you needed/wanted it to do in 2011 for a relatively modest asking price.  From the flamboyant to the downright hilarious; from the bold to the brash, the graphic t-shirt was just one of those articles of clothing that just about everybody wanted… and eventually got.  I certainly got quite a few this year, anyway.

See the full gallery on Posterous

I don’t mind it now. I used to hate clothes shopping. I still have trouble finding things that fit me comfortably, jeans in particular.

You should ask me a question. I’ve got answers. :-) Best of all, they’re free.

!!! This is a play on the conversation you had face to face with Andrew Ryan, when he said: “I chose the impossible, I chose… Rapture.” You almost had me there. :D Well done.

You should ask me a question. I’ve got answers. :-) Best of all, they’re free.

This is tough. I remember a party at my aunt’s old house. All of my brothers, sisters and cousins were there. Most of it is a blur now but I do remember reggae music and food. I spilt something, as well. That’s about it though.

You should ask me a question. I’ve got answers. :-) Best of all, they’re free.

I haven’t shaved in a couple of weeks. Depends on what mood I’m in, really. Sometimes, it’s gotta come off. Other times, I can’t be bothered to bleed my face of the black curly stuff that grows from deep within my FLESH.

You should ask me a question. I’ve got answers. :-) Best of all, they’re free.

Typical British grey day today. Most people loathe them, I find them particularly beautiful, especially when you’re walking through the park or the middle of London.

You should ask me a question. I’ve got answers. :-) Best of all, they’re free.

Hipster: I know you’ve heard that word thrown around recently.  You’ve probably heard it said with the same tone and vitriol that you’d hear during the Salem Witch Trials (“WITCH!”), watching Fox News Network (“LIBERALS!”) or even a racial slur (…do you really need an example? C’mon, dude.)

Now, I should point out that I’ve never been called a hipster.  As it stands, I just don’t get the anti-hipster sentiment.  When it comes to 21st century sociology, I don’t get a lot of things that are trendy.  That’s partly because I’m a pedantic fucker with a very low tolerance for anything I find to be illogical and partly because I have a very low tolerance for out-and-out stupid things (however subjective they may be).

However, it seems those that coined the term ‘emo’ and thought it’d be clever to use it as a way to designate melodic hardcore music and ultra-pessimistic people (aka: emo kids) are at it again.  First ‘indie,’ now ‘hipster.’  I get that the English language is ever-changing and always abounding but when it comes to the word ‘hipster,’ I find that nothing’s really changed… aside from the fact that the word’s meaning has gotten further convoluted in order to have some sort of relevant meaning today.

We’re talking about a word that was originally used to describe purveyors of the 1940s subculture.  They loved jazz, particularly bebop; had a sarcastic sense of humour; emulated the lifestyle and fashion sense of the very musicians that created the music they loved to listen to; possessed a laid-back attitude; lived in self-imposed poverty; used drugs recreationally; and used their own dialect formed of slang exclusive to members of the subculture.

Back then, the word ‘hipster’ replaced the word ‘hepcat’ and I’m sure there was some pedantic, cynical cunt like me shaking his/her fist like an elderly person shaking his/her cane in the air to ward off the threat of mischevious youth, trying to prevent the occurrence of the horrible things that could sully the integrity of the lawn beyond the comfort of the front porch.  But I digress… the word and the application of said word bites whale butt bubbles.

Maybe my problem isn’t just with the word.  I find the anti-hipster maxim to be just as foolish as the word itself.  If there are that many people out there that are going out of their way to defy “mainstream” subculture by conforming to another subculture, what is it with tribal war tendencies?  I hear things like: “Damn these fucking hipsters!  Why don’t they listen to what everyone else listens to?!” or “Ew.  None of that for me, thanks.  I’m no fucking hipster.”  So you don’t like the way the 21-century hippie lives their bohemian-in-a-box lifestyle; combining elements of today, the 1940s, 60s, 70s, and 90s. Perhaps you loathe the music that they listen to, the organic foods that they eat, the clothes they wear, the way they smoke weed or snort coke.  I’m pretty sure they don’t care for your particular way of life either; more importantly, I don’t think they care for your air of self-righteousness, like your way of living is the only way to live.  Just saying.

I mean don’t we all get enough of that hogwash from the politicians and the media?  We’re all told how to live, what to eat, and where to eat it; who to fuck, when to fuck, and how to fuck; we’re all told to get a job and pay your taxes; we’re all told what to wear, what to buy, where to buy it… Jebus H.M. Khrist, if some cunt wants to wear a cabbie hat, let them wear a cabbie hat.  No one has to listen to Lady Gaga if they don’t want to - I personally would prefer no one listen to that trash and save a few brain cells, but that’s just me.

If there was ever any proof that human beings are still quite a way’s away from being accepting of other people and their lifestyles, all you need to do is walk down the high-street or - better still - turn on the idiot box.  Everyone’s an emo kid, a chav, a toff, a hipster, a gangsta, liberal, conservative, a terrorist, a hero, a benefit scrounger…

Funny thing is: no one likes it when their lifestyle is cut up like a coroner to a dead body.  So what the fuck is a hipster?  Someone different… and the historical record will show that no one likes what’s different.